


The Velveteen Troll

by maryrobinette



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 00:57:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10686480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maryrobinette/pseuds/maryrobinette





	The Velveteen Troll

Once upon a time, there was a velveteen dog that had a keg beneath his neck and love in his felt heart. His name was Michael Damian. He loved. He loved SO much but he didn't want any of the other stuffed animals know that he loved, so he trolled them.

To the stuffed giraffe, who loved musicals, Michael Damian said, "Hamilton is derivative."

The giraffe huffed and puffed and Michael Damian giggled. He loved Hamilton, too, and he'd just given the stuffed giraffe a reason to talk about how wonderful the musical was AT LENGTH.

To the living cats, Michael Damian said, "Humans are overrated"

The cats hissed and kneeded their human and Michael Damian grinned. He liked humans, too, and he'd just made their person happy because the cats had settled in a living vest on their human's chest.

To the editor who lived under the bottom of the stairs under a slush pile of manuscripts, Michael Damian said, "The next one will be great."

The editor opened another manuscript and three more dropped from the ceiling. Michael Damian said, "You'll be finished soon!"

Another three manuscripts fluttered down from between the stairs. The editor sighed and turned over another page. They lifted their red pencil and drove it toward their eye.

Michael Damian leapt as fast as his stuffed velveteen dog legs would let him and stopped the pencil with the flask beneath his neck. A pure fountain of single malt scotch -- Ardbeg Uigeadail-- sprang forth. The editor's eyes widened as the water of life sprayed against their lips.

They licked their lips. They smiled.

And Michael Damian's velveteen heart grew three sizes as he realized that sometimes trolling wasn't the answer. Sometimes it was drinking.

THE END


End file.
